silly job ad

My friend J.L. sent me this job listing for Dylan's Candy Bar. Because the Craigslist link will expire in a few days, I'll paste some of it here:

"We are looking for Sales Associates who will be responsible for consistently delivering exemplary customer service and sales at our flagship store.

Candidates that successfully complete round one interviews will be invited back to audition 'American Idol' style. Auditions will be approximately two minutes and are designed to showcase the candidate’s creative side. The candidate can elect to sing, dance, recite poetry, act out a skit, demonstrate artwork or do anything that showcases his/her unique personality."

Hmm, I didn't know that a person needed to be able to dance in order to use a cash register. I sure hope Simon Cowell won't be there.

translation

From craigslist: "Needed: SUPERSTAR Assistant with Backbone of Iron":

"The most successful applicants we be meticulous individuals not prone to minor and foolish errors who have the ability to accept criticism and work under pressure with a VERY DIFFICULT PERSONALITY whose priorities are ever-changing. Hours are 8:30 - 6:00 pm with some overtime required. "

Let me translate for you:

"Your future boss will be the most unforgiving asshole you've ever met. You must sleep with your iPhone on your pillow. Oh wait, nevermind. You won't have time to sleep."

I bet the pay is like $30k or something pitiful like that. I wonder if Mr. Future Boss wrote this himself, or if his minion wrote it and had Mr. Boss approve it. Mr. Boss is probably chuckling with pleasure over the description of his leadership style.